Waiting on Tomorrow

This is going to be a short posting because I need to be rested tomorrow, but I knew I wouldn't be able to quiet my mind unless I got some of this out.

Tomorrow is my Meeting of the Creditors.  I have been told by numerous people who have filed bankruptcy that this is no big deal.  In my mind I know this is not a big deal.  But the rest of me is dreading tomorrow.  It's one thing to decide I am unable to pay back debts.  It's something else completely to face the companies who will be losing money because of me. 

My good friend, and co-worker, Lissa owned a bowling alley many years ago that went under.  Her family had to declare a bankruptcy for over 5million dollars.  At their Meeting of the Creditors the only people that showed up were the people that took care of the plants at the bowling alley.  I find that story so reassuring.  I spoke with another co-worker who declared bankruptcy over 10 years ago.  Not one creditor showed up to their meeting.  It seems that the meeting itself isn't something to be dreaded.  At the same time there is a soft, scary, chanting voice in my head that is reminding me there are probably other stories out there.  Stories that aren't so reassuring.  And maybe the creditors will want to grill me on my financial decisions and point out things I should sell and tell me to eat out less and carpool more.  I know that sounds silly.  And that is exactly why I decided to write this out before going to bed. 

When I am walking around with a feeling of dread, but am not aware of the exact cause of that feeling, it tends to grow and grow until it overwhelms me. 
By putting down the worse case scenario and seeing how unlikely it looks I am able to breathe again. 

On another note, I sent C a text telling him I had the meeting tomorrow and that I was a little worried about it.  For those of you who have been following along, you will remember C had declared bankruptcy before.  I was looking for just one more comforting story of how trivial and easy it is.  And maybe an "I'm sorry I helped put you in that spot and that you have to go through it alone".  But I got absolutely nothing back.  It's been such an eye opener to see how quickly he is moving on and how little he actually cares about me.  There is no remorse.  I don't understand how I ended up with someone like that.  It's the complete opposite of me.  I tend to feel guilty and responsible for any emotional upset the other person is experiencing. 

PLEASE let me be learning from all this so I never, ever have to go through it again.
I am going to leave you with some cute pics of my little sweet pea.  She is staying with C tonight because I went out for drinks and dinner with all the girls at work for Lissa's birthday.  The house is so empty without her.