How does she do that?

I have been sick with the flu the last few days.  Chills, body aches, unpleasant attacks of the intestines... you get the idea.  I dropped off my little sweetie pie with C (he watches her during the day as he is currently unemployed) yesterday morning.  I felt a little off, but figured it was from coming off a strict no fat diet too rapidly.  As in 13 days of eating nothing but veggies, fruits, chicken, and fish and suddenly introducing pecan pie, pumpkin pie and monkey bread (sort of like pull apart cinnamon rolls) into my newly cleansed system.  I don't suggest it. At all.  In fact there is a lot to that story that I won't go into yet.  I feel like we need to get to know each other a little better before I can bear to face the mortification that story entails.
Anyways, to put it mildly, my body was desperately doing what it could to rid itself of the toxins I had dumped in.  I figured it would pass and as we were short staffed at work, I didn't feel right calling in sick.
I went in to work and made it about 2 1/2 hours before deciding to call it quits.  C was nice enough to offer to watch Savannah so I could go home and sleep off whatever was ailing me.  Things continued to worsen until I was convinced I was battling the blasted flu.  This is not a huge shock.  I work in the medical field and despite getting the flu shot several weeks ago, it's pretty normal for some strain of it to make the rounds with all my coworkers every winter.
As I lay languishing in bed, my head pounding like my brain was trying to burst from my eye sockets, my intestines feeling like they had been loaded with rocks and superglue, and my body going from chilled to over heated (I was sick, okay?? I get to whine a little bit!) all I could think of as I drifted in and out of consciousness was how much I missed my sweet Savannah.  And if she was missing me too.  And if it was too soon to disrupt her schedule by having her spend the night at the old house when she had just settled into the new apartment.
I have heard parents go on about the joy their children bring and how they never knew love until they became a mother or father, but let me tell you, their kids ain't got nothin' on Savannah.

I'm not saying she is the most brilliant (she had me a tad bit worried when her first birthday came and went and she was content to stay in one spot on the floor with nary an attempt to crawl), I'm not saying she is the most beautiful.  She is now 15 months-and walking thank you very much- and is routinely mistaken for a little boy.  Despite the vibrant pink or purple gear she is usually wearing.  And flowers and hearts, and all things girly girly.  The child has no hair.  This could be somewhat overlooked if she would just allow me to put one of those adorable headbands with the huge flowers and bows on.  But she isn't having any of that nonsense.  Not to mention she is a rough and tumble sort of gal and usually is sporting at least one or two bruises on her sweet little noggin.

All this to say I realize to the outside world Savannah is just another baby/toddler.  But they don't see what I see.  They don't see her sweet face looking up as she holds up a book for just one more story.  They don't see her sly looks as she hides in the corner thinking she is getting away with eating her big sister's left over pop tart.  They don't see the kindness and caring she shows as she shares her treasured toys and her quick sense of humor that is already becoming apparent.  This girl has completely won me over.  I hesitate to say she is my everything.  I don't think it's fair to put that weight on someone else.  I could be happy without her.  I could have a good life, never knowing her.  But thank the good Lord I don't have to!  She has brought me such joy.  She is a constant source of entertainment and a steady reminder that God is good.  She is pure and sweet and I can see Jesus' point when he said "Let the children come to me, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven".  A place full of little Savannahs?? Sign me up!

Tonight as I rocked her before bed I prayed from the depths of my being that God would watch over this little soul and protect her and guide her through her life.  I prayed that I would be a worthy parent to her.  I am lacking in so many areas but he has promised that his word will be a light unto my feet and a lamp on my path.  My job is to work so my relationship with Him stays active and continues to grow and He will take care of the rest. 

I am in tears thinking how amazingly, crazily lucky I am to have been blessed with such a child as Savannah.  In this difficult time I am going through now it would be so easy to give in to loneliness and go back to C.  It's so easy for me to overlook the wrong he has done and look at the nice things he does on a daily basis.  If it was just me, I might put my blinders on and hope for the best.  But it's not just me.  I have a precious gift.  A gift who is watching me and learning and seeing the example I set.  And because of her it is easy to take the high road.  It is suddenly a no-brainer that her momma deserves better than that.  I hope that she sees that there are some things that are intolerable.  You can love someone, but you must never lose the love and respect for yourself.  We are each a temple of God.  This body is ours to look after while we are here on Earth.  How could I think for an instant that I would allow someone to mistreat this precious commodity that is on loan to me?  Savannah is only 15 months old and yet she has opened my eyes to so much.  And it makes me wonder, How does she do that??