I'm sorry Mr. Ramsey

I am declaring Bankruptcy.  On Friday I have to have a "Meeting of the Creditors" and face everyone to whom I owe money.  I am scared.
 Mine is a Chapter 7 meaning I am asking to be freed from all debt.  I am letting the house go back to the bank, letting the car that isn't paid off go back to the loan company, and hopefully letting the mountain of credit card debt that has accrued in my 2 1/2 year marriage go back from whence it came.  This is not how I was raised and not how I am comfortable conducting myself.  I have always had good credit, a healthy savings account, and a good idea of what I should and shouldn't buy.  I had some credit cards, but no balances on them.  They were mostly used to rack up air miles that I never used.  I was always careful to pay them off before the dreaded interest set in.
Something happened when I began dating C.  He had a more carefree way with money.  He told me his credit was bad because of unpaid student loans.  I was proud of him for going to school and didn't question it.  Or ask to see a degree.  Or ask why he hadn't used his G.I. Bill for education.  Hindsight is 20/20 blah blah blah...
It all started when I went to a bridal show and received a call a week later telling me my name had been picked in a drawing and I had won a 3 day, 2 night trip (airfare and hotel included) to Vegas.(!!!)  All I had to do was go claim it.  And listen to a short presentation.  It quickly became clear this was a timeshare gambit.  I had heard of the free trips they gave out, hoping to persuade would-be schmucks to buy in.  I am not saying all timeshares are a bad deal.  I know several people who have time-shares, and use them and have totally gotten their money's worth.  But this is about me.  C and I agreed to go, claim our prize and then jet out of there.  We weren't going to get suckered in. Nope, not us.  Fast forward about 7 hours later, 10 o'clock at night.  Me, sitting at a desk signing paper after paper.  Wanting to be out of there. Second guessing my choice to be the proud new parent of a timeshare.  But not leaving.  It seemed like a good deal.  Our grandchildren would use this!  It's a legacy.  And just like that, I had a sizable debt attached to a credit card in my name.  And only my name.
Next I decided the neighborhood I lived in was starting to get a little trashy, and I should probably sell the house before it starting losing value.  One of my favorite things in the world is house hunting.  I love seeing the new spaces and imagining the life I would have there.  All things become possible.  I could grow my own veggies!  I could have a place for everything and everything in its place!  I could regularly be a hostess to a gathering of friends who would have a standing date to come to my house for food, fun, and games!  So many possibilities. 
So C and I began looking.  And looking.  I was working with a realtor I had used in the past with great success.  After we had been shopping around several weeks she mentioned that she was going to be selling her house.  It was in an excellent area and had a great school district.  She was convinced it was perfect for us!  I agreed to come look around.  Although the house was quite a bit more than I had intended to get into and was a completely different style than I wanted, I felt like turning it down would somehow be an insult to the realtor.  Oh the problems I create for myself!  I rationalized to myself that the view WAS amazing and it came with a studio apartment downstairs which would be so cool and C loved it.  And with 2 incomes, we could afford it.  And there I went, ignoring the quiet whisper of my common sense and slipping down the rabbit hole, further into debt.  In my name alone.

The next big blunder involved the purchase of a spendy Nissan Maxima, fully loaded.  It was a beautiful car and one I quickly grew attached to.  The payments were pretty hefty though and we decided to see if we could trade it in for something a little more in our price range.  And came home with a Cadillac.  Yes, you heard me correctly.  We went IN with a Maxima, wanting lower our payments and came OUT with a Cadillac. 

The payments did NOT go down but C (who did his best to push me in the direction of a Hummer.  Good gracious.) informed me the Caddy would maintain it's value better than the Maxima and so it was quite rational to do the little switcharoo.  AND I DID.  That's the shocking part.  My brain was just completely shut off.  I got it (say it with me) in MY NAME ALONE.

That is quite a bit of debt for one person to carry on their shoulders.  But that's not all.  At that point I knew better than to add on anymore.  Especially since C had now been unemployed for several months.  And we had a new baby. 

Unfortunately, C didn't think it was enough.  He proceeded to take the credit cards I had laying around the house.  The credit cards I didn't use because I knew better.  He took those cards and unbeknownst to me began using them like there was no tomorrow.  He went shopping, he got cash advances, he went gambling. 

.         And not a word to me.

When I discovered what he had done the fireworks flew.  He looked at me and denied everything.  Someone must have stolen my identity!  When I broke down each transaction and pointed out they were made in the businesses he frequented the protests became weaker.  We went for an emergency intervention with our pastor.  The denials became claims he had just bought a couple tools.  He wasn't sure what all he got, but it was no big deal.  The sting of betrayal hits me to this day. 

When it became apparent we were sinking financially, I took some really good advice and signed us up for the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University.
 It literally changed my life.  I saw it was possible to get out of debt.  We could do it!  C and I attended the 13 week class every Thursday.  We both went to the classes, but I was the only one putting it to use in our life.  I was desperate for him to see the light and to see the weight that is lifted when your finances become organized and focused.  I faithfully did the budget each month, called all the creditors and let them know we had a plan and were working it, began having garage sales and clipping coupons to scrounge up whatever money I could to build up a savings and start paying down the debt.
And then the first shimmy of the earthquake that would rock my whole world came.  I found out C had taken a check sent to us by the insurance company for us to give to the birthing center where I had my daughter, and he had gambled it away.  Every last cent of the almost $1200.00.  And then he lied about it.  And lied about it.  Until I informed him I was being sent a copy of the check and would be checking the signature to see if it was his.  Sitting in a darkened bedroom, with a hat pulled low over his eyes, unable to look at me, the truth finally slipped through his lips.  I felt like a sledgehammer had collided with my chest.  How could he do this to us?  To our family?  After all the hard work to get us to a financially stable place and with one thoughtless, selfish act he pushed us farther down.  I saw that nothing had changed. 

It was then I took a closer look at other things C had said during our marriage.  And right about then was when the earthquake hit its peak and was followed by a tidal wave of massive proportions.  And when all was said and done the truth came out.  The truth was that my marriage of 2 1/2 years had been built on sand.  I had done my best to try to hold it together and patch up the crumbling walls, but sand is sand and cannot withstand the fury of an earthquake. 

When the floods had subsided I was left with one option.  That was bankruptcy.  Every last scrap of debt was in my name.  The house payment alone was more than half of my monthly income.  I had to admit defeat. 

And so I would like to apologize to Mr.Ramsey.  He taught me how to claw my way out of debt and how to do the righteous thing and repay what I owed.  I learned the lessons, honest I did, but still had to choose the coward's way out. 

But, Mr Ramsey, all is not lost!  The lessons are even now being strengthened in me.  I am using the tools you gave me almost every day.  I am in a scorched heap of ashes now, but one day soon I will rise and I will do you proud.  I will pay for cars in cash!  I won't ever use credit cards again!  I will "live like no one else now, so I can LIVE like no one else later". I will ask for discounts wherever I go.  I will grow my savings account so I can have low premiums and high deductibles!

Thank you Mr Ramsey for the hope you have given of a world where I have financial peace.  Thank you for teaching me the importance of giving back to God first, even before I pay the rest of the

bills. 
I truly believe God brought Mr Dave Ramsey into my life at the absolute perfect time. 
Without the classes I took, I wouldn't have become aware of discrepancies in our finances.  I wouldn't have had focus and balance.  And I wouldn't have had a clue where to start when it came to starting over. 
To any of you reading this, I BESEECH you to look up the classes that are being held near you and sign up.  The classes are entertaining and easy to follow along.  I promise, you will thank me!

http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/

And don't forget to think of me on Friday at 1:00.  I will be in the fiery trial.