Slow Down

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Lately it's been hitting me how often I rush through my day, not noticing the moment I'm in, just trying to hurry through to the next thing on my list.  What a sad way to live!  I will be going along, like normal and then suddenly realize I am not taking full breaths, just doing shallow, rapid breathing.  My neck is tight, my teeth are clenched, and I'm slouching.  Not a pretty picture at all.  No wonder the joy is being drained from my life.
It's so easy to get off work, throw Savannah in the car, fight traffic to get home, switch on the TV and try to sit and veg out while Savannah is crying/whining for me to read to her.  I start to feel like she is a nuisance.  Um, hello?!?  What is WRONG with this picture?  What exactly ARE my priorities? 
I realized I need to be way more aware of each individual moment.  There are so many things to enjoy and I have been completely looking over them in my mad rush to nowhere.
I have a beautiful little girl who is only going to be this small for a short time.  I don't want her to grow up and have memories of a mom who was just in the background shushing her as she tried to play.  I don't want her to feel "in the way".  Ever.  Not to mention the fact that when I really look at her and engage with her it brings me so much happiness!  I have never once regretted taking the time to play with her.
Tonight when C dropped off Savannah at work I realized it has been a really long time since I have shown Alex that I am interested in her.  I felt so ashamed.  She was standing there beside Chris with a sad sad look on her face.  She wouldn't say what was wrong, but I realized that what she sees every evening is that I light up when I see Savannah.  I give her kisses and hugs and smell her perfect little baby head.  What do I do for Alex?  Maybe a quick squeeze and a hurried "I love you".  That little girl needs me.  She needs a woman in her life who is genuinely interested in her and who cares for her.  It is so easy to take 5 minutes out of my unnecessary hurry to talk to her and let her know she is special.  I feel terrible that I have let this area lapse in my life. 
I have been so caught up in my own drama and my own pain and didn't even acknowledge that she is going through some really tough stuff too.  Most of the time she seems to be fine outwardly, but I haven't taken the time to have a heartfelt girl chat with her.  I know before too long she will be a teenager and the time of grace for building a close relationship will be gone.
I am making a vow to myself to make Alex a priority.  She is such a good girl and I need to let her know that.
A couple ladies at work today were sharing things they did to stay close to their children when they were growing up.
 One idea I particularly liked was a lady who had a high energy son that didn't like being cooped up in the house during the many rainy Oregon days.  When he was young they started the tradition of going on Rain Walks. 
They bought rain gear and during their walks he could jump and splash around as much as he wanted.      
She said that grew to become a time where they bonded and could have sincere talks with each other.  In fact, recently when he came home on a break from college he suggested they go on a Rain Walk.  That small thing that she started when he was little meant so much to him and was able to bring so much blessing in their relationship.  I love that idea.   
I am so grateful that both my girls are still young enough that I can start fresh and be the best mom I can be.  Nothing is written in stone yet.  They both still have soft hearts that can be planted with the seeds of God's word, not only through Bible stories and Sunday school, but through the example they see in me. 
I have had some bumps in the road, but the truth is, my life is good right now.  God has taken care of me.  He has given me everything I need.  I have a roof over my head, more than enough food to eat, 2 healthy girls, and tons of supportive friends.  He has given me a pastor that is in tune with God and is able to encourage me every single Sunday in a way that I can apply to my life.  I have a good paying job and work with a group of women who have supported me in every stage of my life. What on earth do I have to complain about?  The human brain can so easily turn to discouragement and self pity.  But when I slow down and think about what my life consists of, I can see that I have SO much to be thankful for.  I thank God that he is so forgiving.  He must think I am crazy sometimes when I nitpick the small annoyances in my life and completely overlook all the mercy he has given me and the way he has watched over me as a sheppard.
I am so thankful for the patience God has shown me as I stumble along like a baby learning to walk.  I am slow, sometimes I fall or go in the wrong direction completely, but he is able to see the potential in me.  He is able to see that given time and proper nourishment I can become a strong individual, rooted and grounded in him.
Now can't I find it in myself to show that same patience to those around me?  And what's more, can't I find it in myself to show MYSELF that same patience?  To not become discouraged and depressed by my lack of perfection?
During the holidays it is so common for people to get caught up in all the to-do lists and trying to get everything done at once.  I strongly encourage you to take the time each day, even just 5 minutes in the car (you are going to be stuck in traffic anyway, why  not make use of the time?) and take 3 deep, cleansing breaths, step back from your life and look at all God has given you.  Look at each child as the gift they are.  Look at the people in your life who encourage and support you.  Look at the work God has started in you and has promised to finish.  The hard times will pass, but the faith, hope, peace, and joy we gain in them will anoint our lives and the lives of those around us.
I am going to share a song that has been incredibly encouraging for me during the good and the hard times the past few months.  Read the lyrics. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=du0il6d-DAk

2 days to Thanksgiving!
Start practicing giving thanks:)