I had the meeting today with Alex's teacher Mrs. Ross and her school counselor, Mrs. Hagner. It went better than I could have imagined. I have such a huge feeling of relief right now.
I had a meeting with The Duke this morning. I told him I had concerns about what I should say and what I should leave out when talking to her teachers. I knew that they already had a relationship with C and would probably continue dealing mainly with him so I didn't want to damage that. At the same time I wanted them to be aware of what was going on (if you are new here see this post.) so if they saw any behavioral changes, they would know where it was coming from. I also wanted them to be another source of support for Alex if she should need it. I didn't want to appear like the bitter ex who was there to trash talk her ex-husband.
When I got there after school let out today I was still a little apprehensive. But then we all sat down at one of the kiddy tables in Mrs. Ross's classroom and I opened my mouth and it all came out. From the very beginning. Naturally they had to run for tissues. My eyes teared up even before I started talking. Sometimes it just hits me unexpectedly. They took it all in and when I was done Mrs. Ross looked at me and said "this explains a LOT." When I asked what she meant, she said that Alex has been telling little lies in class. Just today she had gone with another girl (who had permission) to a different class and when they got back, Mrs.Ross asked where she had been and she said to the bathroom. It wasn't until talking to the other teacher later that she found out Alex had gone to the other class without permission. She said she has noticed a very sassy and entitled attitude from Alex. At one point Alex told her "You aren't my mom". I was shocked to hear that. She said she had talked about Alex to the 1st grade teacher Alex had last year. That teacher commented on what a sweet girl Alex was. She was surprised to hear about the changes in her behaviour. I also found out that for the parent-teacher conference, no one showed up for Alex. She was the only person in her class that didn't have someone show up for her. Mrs. Ross had never even met C until earlier last week when he came to have lunch with Alex. That was news to me. C had made it sound like he was a regular helping out at the school and like he knew her teacher.
You could tell by the look on their faces that things were starting to click into place. Mrs. Ross had just found out that we had split up when Alex did a report for MLK Jr day saying what she would do to change the world. One of the sentences she had to complete was how she would change her family. She said she would make it so she could see me more and that it had been a looong time since she had seen me. At that point Mrs. Ross sat her down and talked to her and then got her into the counselor. They are starting up a support group for kids with divorced parents that will meet on lunch once a week. I was so excited to hear that. I am so glad Alex will be getting some form of counseling. And I am glad for her to see that there are other kids going through the same thing and that divorce isn't caused by anything kids do.
Both the teachers said they thought that if it was at all possible I should look into having Alex move in with me. They thought she was in a very unsafe and unstable environment. She has started missing a lot of school and when she comes back she says she stayed out to take care of her dad. It's not a healthy relationship because he is depending on her like an adult and at the same time training her to lie and be sneaky. That was one thing Mrs. Ross had really noticed. The sneakiness. And the fact that Alex appears to be worldly above her age. I told them I had noticed it too and thought a lot of it was from watching adult shows with C and playing adult video games.
They were both so supportive and suggested I seek legal advice to see what my options are. They said they would put my address in at the office so I would receive any mail pertaining to Alex and asked if they could deal with me rather than C. I think it was a relief on both sides to have some answers and explanations. It was a tremendous weight off my back to know there are more people looking out for Alex's best interests.
Both of the women were so friendly and gave me tremendous confidence. We all agreed to keep in touch via email.
After the meeting, Mrs. Ross talked to me a little longer and said again how glad she was that we had met. She said that hearing about Alex's living situation and knowing more about C's family made it clear that if we don't intervene Alex would very easily end up like C's sister. Pregnant at 15 and out of control. They gave me so much hope that we had stepped in in time to change that path.
I told them about the new friend's Alex had made with Michelle's kids. And about how the fun she had there was innocent fun. She was able to be a child without the burdens of an adult placed on her. It made me more determined to seek out and foster relationships like that for her.
It's also made me seriously think about working to make it possible for her to be with me more, if not full time. I know it will take some juggling as I want her to stay at the same school. There are before and after school programs she can attend while I am working. And I know it will take a miracle where C is concerned because she is his ONLY friend. But I believe that if it is the right thing, God will make a way. I am going to call the pre-paid legal service I signed up with to see what some options are for us.
If anyone out there is legally savvy or has lawyer friends, I would appreciate any advice you can give me on this.
Her teachers stressed to me that if something were to happen to C, she would become a ward of the state. She would then either be sent to live with her biological mom (not good) or with C's family (NOT good).
Up to this point I have been juggling so much with the move, the bankruptcy and the divorce, but I feel like things are settling into place now and I am able to give this my full focus.
So here are 2 things I want you to take away from reading this:
1. Pray for me
2. Send me legal advice if you have any:)
I will continue to update as things start to happen. I completely believe everything will fall into place. So much already has been taken care of for me. God's timing has been so impeccable I don't think he will let Alex fall between the cracks.
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