Money

Here is a letter I got when I checked the mail today...

Dear Ms. Smith:
Thank you for your letter.  You have done the right thing to bring this to my attention.  It appears we did not envision this much tax refund coming your way, so this is new information I was not aware of at the time.  As debtors will benefit by the administration of these refunds, I ask that you do turn over the funds, when received.  I will then reopen your case, administer those funds for the creditors, and ultimately file a final report.  This process will take about five months.
Questions should be referred to your bankruptcy attorney, Mr. McAvity.

Very truly yours,
Ronald R Sticka
Bankruptcy Trustee.


You see, I was unsure what was going on with the bankruptcy and knew he had told me it wouldn't be closed until I did my taxes.  On the exact day I sent my tax information in the mail, I received a letter stating the bankruptcy was closed and everything was finished.  By then it was too late to get back the information I sent.  When I read the letter today, rage swelled up in me.  And tears too. 
I was so sure after receiving the letter stating the bankruptcy was closed that I was done with all that.  And now I find out I have to pay out thousands of dollars that I was hoping to put in an emergency fund.  And the process will not be done for almost half a year longer. 
I feel like I am in a whirlpool, swirling around and around with no hope of escape.  I have tried to do what is right in each situation and it seems like the battles keep coming at me.  Meanwhile, C is sitting pretty.  Living in a huge house for free. Getting money from the government so he doesn't have to work.  Free to putter around all day, watching movies, eating junk food, and working on little projects as they strike his fancy.  This is a really tough pill for me to swallow.  It seems I am going to continue to pay for the mistake of marrying him.  With no end in sight.
I want to send a letter back to Mr Sticka with one word on it..."NO." 

It is in this moment that it is clear to me that there are some parts of me that didn't believe my money was God's.  I thought I was doing pretty good.  Tithing, being generous, being a good steward.  But there was more there.  God is the god of all things.  He has unlimited resources.  If the money needs to come to me, it will.  If it is more beneficial that I root out the love of money, then it will flow through my hands to someone else.  Everything I have is God's.  He has always taken care of me.  He has blessed me with two girls in my life.  He has given me a steady job.  He has given me enough money to live in a safe area, have enough food to eat, and be able to afford clothes for all of us.  He knows my needs and he knows when I don't need something.  I can trust his judgement even when my own human judgement is screaming "It's not fair!"  It is better to be honest than to be sneaky and gain money that I won't even remember in 5 years.   The growth taking place in my heart is permanent.  Not to mention all the great character I MUST be building.  Yaaaay me!
I am not going to think about this anymore.  When the money comes in, I will write a check and send it right back out.  And continue to live frugally.
We all know this next verse.  But really read it this time and think about what it's saying:

1 Timothy 6:10
For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.


I thank God that he is driving out that love of money in me.  He is helping me to find true, lasting happiness.  He is showing me the things that are highly esteemed by men, but worthless to God.

I know the sting of signing over that check will be felt, but I also know it is for my best.  And as my needs arise, they will be met.


FREEDOMMMM!