Letting Go

I feel like every post lately has been about the divorce.  But that's because my life has been revolving around the divorce, what needs to be done, the paperwork that needs to be filed, what C's reaction will be to everything, wondering how long it will take...the list goes on and on.
Here's how it stands thus far... I hadn't heard anything from the sheriff's office about whether they had successfully served C the paperwork or not.  I finally asked C and he said he had gotten them and WHY DID I WANT TO KNOW? And then he hung up the phone. Huh. I  got queasy and wondered if this was the end of the denial and if his anger would start showing.  I think the question just caught him off guard and it took a minute for him to rebuild his pretend world where there is no divorce going on and where I am temporarily moved out because he spent some money he shouldn't have. 
From what I understand he has 30 days to respond to the terms I asked for.  After that it is another 60 days for the courts to decide whether they will grant my request for dissolution of the marriage.
I went to a mandatory class on Saturday.  It was called COPE and is for divorcing couples with children.  It was 4 hours long and was pretty interesting.  The instructor said something that gave me hope for Alex.  She said that as long as a child has 1 good, positive adult in their life they will survive.  I was so worried about the parents she was dealt and the environment of lies and secrets she lives in. 
HOLD THE PHONE!
I just read the last sentence I wrote and realized I am so stressed and worried because I am trying to fix everything by myself!  I am trying to make things better and work the situation and be the big boss in control.  But I am NOT in control.  I am like Martha, worried about so many things.  Just consciously realizing that I am not in charge and that God is more than capable to take care of EVERYTHING has allowed me to breathe easier.  The tightness in my chest is starting to loosen. 
I have been so worried lately that if something happened to me, C would get Savannah.  It's pretty strange to go from thinking you had picked such a good dad for your daughter to wanting to do anything in your power to make sure he isn't the one allowed to raise her.
But even in that situation, God is in control.  He knows the number of my days.  He knows my need and the needs of my children. 
I have been sadly lacking in the area of coming to Him with my needs.  It is so deeply ingrained in my nature to try to fix things in my own power.  To take care of myself and not need help from anyone else.  It's completely backward.  God has provided me with a strong, supportive family both at church and at home.  His word is a light unto my path.  To ignore it would be like holding a flashlight in the pitch black wilderness and not turning it on. 
I thank Him for the blessings in my life.  For my family and my daughters and the friends He has given me.  I am thankful for my steady job.  I am thankful that no matter how many times I start to drift off into my own strength, He is faithfully there to guide me again.
I am going to consciously place my thoughts on things above, not on the things here below.  I know He will finish this work He has started in me.  He will mold me into His image as I am faithful in my situations.  My greatest desire is to become a tree of life that bears all of the fruits of the spirit.