I have a few things on my mind right now. The first is:
ad·dic·tion
[uh-dik-shuh
n] 
Show IPA –noun
the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
I am not talking about alcohol or narcotics. I have never had a problem with either of those. I am talking about food addiction. And I think I will take it one step further to say I have an addiction to chewing and swallowing. The thing is, lately I seem to have lost all control over my eating habits. It doesn't matter if the food is good. If it's there, in my mouth it goes. The back of my mind is constantly thinking about what is available to eat. Stale Saltine crackers? Finished the sleeve. Cheapo chocolate chip cookies from a mix? Brought 6 to bed. And ate all 6. A year old container of Nutella? Sure! Pile it on the stale Saltines!
My stomach is not hungry. I am not having cravings for specific foods. It's the very act of chewing and swallowing (repeated over and over and over) that has me hooked. I have been eating until I feel sick and then as soon as the sickness starts to ease up I am right back to thinking of what I can eat next. This habit has made me frustrated and disgusted with myself. Over the last year I have lost 50 lbs and I can see that they will climb right back on with the way things are going. And I can't afford for that to happen. In fact I have at least another 20 lbs that need to make their way off my hips and tummy.
I need to find another outlet for when I am stressed, or bored, or relaxing.
Anyway, that was the first thing on my mind.
The second is:
I signed a rental agreement today for a house that is about 2 blocks from my mom and right next door to my mom's cousin. I won't actually be moving in until October (when my apartment lease runs up) but I will be able to start moving stuff into the garage and attic area. This is good news because the house I used to live in (that is now occupied by C and Alex) is going to be auctioned off in September and I still have lots of odds and ends left there. I am hoping to sort through everything and sell as much as I can on craigslist and the rest donate to good will or store at my new house. ...Did I mention I will be renting a HOUSE? I never thought living in an apartment would matter to me. The idea seemed cozy and safe. All those neighbors around in case I needed help. The reality is that I am constantly shushing kids because of the neighbors above and below us. I can't crank up the music when I'm cleaning house. And the fact that no one came to check on me when I dropped a 50 lb pumpkin on the hard kitchen floor last October (which sounded like a body falling 20 feet) leads me to believe I might not be able to count on my neighbors for backup if an emergency should occur. I feel like we have been living in a cage. There is a balcony for Savannah to play on. Yippee. When Alex comes over they both get cabin fever so bad. Turns out apartments and kids aren't exactly like chocolate and peanut butter. More like sardines and pudding. Not a good combo.
The good news is that all this summer I will have a yard for Savannah to play in while I work on it. I made a deal with Martin (the landlord) that I would mow the lawn in exchange for being able to start storing stuff in the garage. I will have the luxury of time as I sort and de-clutter and remove all the excess STUFF from my life. I won't be throwing everything willy nilly in boxes when I move.
The house is so perfect for me. It's 2 bedrooms, 1 bath with brand new carpet, a gas fireplace, HUGE closets in both bedrooms, built-in cupboards and shelves, a pretty open living plan, a NICE laundry room, a covered patio that looks out onto a private VERY peaceful backyard. It's about a 5 minute walk from my mom's house so she can come over and hang out once I move in. It has everything I wanted when I started looking around. You may be asking WHY Martin is holding the house for me instead of renting it out right away??? Turns out he was not a good person when he was younger (his words...he left his wife for someone 30 years younger :-s) and he took a liking to me and could see I've been through a rough time (I had to explain my yucky credit score) and felt like this was a way he could help make things right in his life. He said the house healed him and he thinks it could heal me too. Hmmmm
The funny thing is the longer I know Martin, the more I find out he knows people all around me. For example, he is neighbors with my mom's cousin, he recognized me from work (I took an xray of him I guess), he was a band teacher for my younger brother and sister, and he worked at the same school as my mom for awhile. Small world.
(To all of you now humming "It's a small world after all" I apologize. Really. I'm sorry.)
YAY for a house with a yard ! :)
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to hang out in your yard and have BBQ's with the kiddos!
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