I have had a flash of insight I would like to share. Lately I have been focusing on how HARD life is for me. It's so HARD being a single mother. It's so HARD having such an erratic, irresponsible ex. It's so HARD to be so fat and depressed. These thoughts surrounded me like a weighted net and began to drag me down. I literally felt like my head was below water and I was drowning. (yes, I realize I didn't LITERALLY think I was drowning, I just want to portray the depth of my emotions. Just go with it.)
Without realizing it, I had made EVERYTHING about ME. I was in a constant state of feeling sorry for myself and doing my best to get others to feel sorry for me as well.
And then I went to the conference this weekend and God gave me a few nuggets of gold. This doesn't always happen as it is very easy for me to get distracted during the meetings. Sometimes I have to talk to other people afterward and listen to what they got and then use that. Anyways, this time there was grace and I got some good stuff:)
The first was during a movie that was shown of older people saying how they would live their youth time if they had it to do again. What I heard was they would give more. They would give away as much of their money as they could. They would give as much of their time and work as hard as they could. They would not be so worried about satisfying their material needs and would instead pour themselves into God's word and articles. They would pray all the time. They would testify at every meeting. They would give EVERYTHING for God's kingdom. They would cut worldly friendships. They would pour themselves out as a sacrifice. It was said that issues people can deal with for 10, 15, 20 YEARS can be finished SO much faster if they are zealous and wholehearted. You might even be driven to do things that look foolish for a time, but eventually the zeal and new, pure life will become your new nature. Looking at that way of living, I can't imagine EVER regretting what "could have been" or wishing you had done things differently. It gave me so much more of a seriousness. This is REAL! It is my choice how I will live and how much of God's grace I will pull over myself. I choose life. I won't regret nights where I didn't get quite as much sleep as I would have liked. I won't regret fewer nights spent alone "relaxing". I won't regret being generous and blessing others with the blessings I have been given. Those things have been given to me by God as my talents. Do I bury them and present them back to Him the same? Or do I take them and plant them where God directs so they can grow and multiply?
This life is superficial and temporary, but the work that is taking place is ETERNAL.
I have spent the last week basically sitting around hoping for a husband to make my load easier. As if God didn't know what he was doing when he allowed my life to come to this place.
The second nugget of gold has slipped from my mind. I had it when I first started writing and now I am wracking my brains, but drawing a blank. So it will have to wait for another day.
For those of you who were at the conference, please leave a comment below on one thing you took away from it.
May you be strengthened for the week ahead!
SO good to hear what you heard as I didn't make it since Macy Grace is so so sick! :(
ReplyDeleteThanks for being in your place, doing the best you can with what you got! :) :)
Lots of love from me to you-Jen
Mark 10:28 Then Peter began to say to Him, “See, we have left all and followed You.”
ReplyDelete29 So Jesus answered and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s, 30 who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time—houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions—and in the age to come, eternal life. 31 But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”
Strengthened me to be more zealous against all fear and anxiety over the possibility of losing my house, my family, etc. I have done the first part of this and God will be faithful to do His part. Here AND in the life to come.