Bullseye to the Heart

There are no words to describe the feeling in your heart when your daughter goes from happy to ecstatic after finding out she will no longer be living with you...potentially for the rest of her life.  Yes, she asked if it was for the rest of her life.  And then to top it off asked if he would be picking her up this weekend, please.  It was all I could do to not break down during prayers tonight.  After being short with Savannah all day, she is suddenly helping her and jumping right in bed with no arguing.  It's like I just told her she would have Christmas every day for the rest of her life.  Not even a flicker of a thought that she would miss me.  It just took me so off guard that she would be SO excited to leave here.  And now I have to work on not reacting unkindly to her. 
I got a text from C today saying he would be taking her on June 12th, the last day of school.  All day I have been battling back and forth on whether I should fight him, or just accept it.  I have mixed feelings about having her versus not having her.  If she is with me, I know she is in good care, surrounded by good influences.  She is able to be with her sister and has a good schedule, gets plenty of sleep, and watches age appropriate movies.  If she is with C she doesn't have a bed and either sleeps on the floor, on a recliner, or in bed between him and his new girlfriend (just found out THAT disturbing tidbit).  She stays up late, watches graphic crime shows and plays violent video games.  If it is inconvenient for him to take her to school, she stays home. She is guilt tripped into feeling responsible for his happiness.  On the other hand, if she is living with C I won't have to see him every week or try to do damage control after he drops her off.  He will have that much less impact on my life and I will be that much more distanced from him. 
In the end all the back and forth doesn't matter.  He has full rights over her, so it's up to him. 
My role is to pray for her while she is down there.  Who knows what will happen or what she'll go through when his relationship ends (which is just a matter of time). 
If there comes a time when she decides she wants to be with me, I will welcome her like the prodigal son, with joy and celebration and NO bitterness or resentment.  Because that will all be cleansed out during this time now.
The past few weeks this song has been an anthem in my head:
"God knows and plans all things,
What's best for you he brings,
For he knows just what's best for everyone
Drive sorrows far away,
Like Jesus let us say
"Oh Lord not mine own will but thine alone be done'"