But Joy Comes in the Morning

Let me start off by saying the funk of Tuesday is subsiding.  I have discovered something very interesting about myself over the past month and a half.  On March 24th, I decided to do an experiment and eat raw vegan for 30 days.  This means my diet consisted of fruits, veggies, and a small amount of nuts and fats.  Nothing cooked, processed, or packaged. No coffee, sugar or grains. I figured it would help me lose a few pounds, maybe cleanse out any grossness in my colon and break me of the binging pattern I had been in.  Because of the low calorie content of vegetables, the majority of the diet would be fruits.  Fruit is the easiest food for your body to break down into energy.  Animal meat and  products (including dairy) are very acidic and very difficult for the body to break down.  By sticking with simple foods, it would give my body a rest and allow it to focus on healing things from the inside out.
Day one ended with a pretty bad headache.  Day two I woke up feeling pretty good.  By day four I was blown away with how I felt.  I was light, happy, JOYFUL, non-irritable, and glad to be alive.  I continued eating this way while doing a little experimenting.  I found that eating too much fat through avocados and nuts caused me to feel sluggish again.  By putting in fresh fresh fresh foods, it caused me to feel fresh fresh fresh!  At the end of the 30 days I was down 12.5 lbs (I think it would have been even more had I not been struggling against my avocado addiction towards the end), I was down 1 size and more energy than I've had in the last 5 years.  I had visions of myself getting lean for the summer and turning into the young, energetic, JOYFUL mom my girls deserve.  I believe that some of the things we chalk up to "the flesh" might actually be attributed to physiological needs.  By being a good steward and taking care of my body, I was stronger and happier and more clear headed.  This allowed me to be a much more affective warrior on the wall. 
On day 30 I decided that while I had experience amazing benefits eating this way, I would try to adapt a modified diet.  I would still eat lots of produce, but also allow myself treats along the way.  The first bite of sugary cooked food led to a downward spiral.  All the old out of control binging urges kicked in.  I began to eat and eat and eat.  And eat some more.  Most days I would wake up determined to get my "raw" legs back under me.  But the motivation I had starting my 30 day experiment wasn't there.  As I ate more and more crap my depression returned in force.  My energy disappeared.  I became irritable and unpleasant to be around.  All within a week of going back to cooked foods!
It became clear to me the focus needed to be not on how to lose weight, but on how to increase my quality of life.  I began reading and reading and reading, knowing that the more I learned the easier it would be for me to stick to.  I read 80/10/10 by Dr Doug Graham, and The Beauty Detox Solution by Kimberly Snyder.  I watched many videos by raw foodists (durianrider, freelea, meghann elizabeth...)and was on the website 30bananasaday every day.  I didn't want to become obsessed and consumed by my diet, but I knew this time period was critical to stop the spiral.  And I think I have my mojo back:)
I have been eating closer and closer to 100% raw the last few days with today being the start of my complete 100%.  When I see how DEEPLY it impacts my mental health it becomes so much more than a weight loss diet.  I need to eat this way to be the person I am meant to be.  To be strong so I can work on my salvation.  To heal my body that has become so toxic and weighed down and lethargic and unhappy. 
Eating this way feels me with hope for my future.  It gives me the strength I need to get through the  day and have energy to be with my girls.  Already, after just being raw for a short time, the benefits are becoming evident.  It works so quickly and I am so thankful to God for leading me to this way of eating that is best for me.