On Friday I got a text from C's mother saying C and Alex were now living with her and she thought I would be happy to know Alex was with her and that she would work on getting C to come up and see Savannah. And could I PLEASE not tell C that she told me they were living with her?
Let me stop there to address a few things. 1. What is wrong with the picture of her having to convince C to come to see his own daughter? Does she think that is normal? 2. Where did she get the impression I want him to come see his daughter? His daughter hasn't seen him since Mother's Day and has now taken to calling him "Alex's dad". She doesn't have a connection to him and that is for the best! and 3. This is a 50 something year old woman feeling obliged to keep it a secret that her son has ruined another relationship and run home to his mom and wants ME to be in on the secret too???
I took a deep breath and reminded her that Alex is still registered for school up here and could she work on C a little to convince him it would be better for her to be with her STABLE mom and sister instead of living in a
I also took the liberty of sending a text to the only number I had for Leslie (C's most recently expired girlfriend) telling her if she wanted any of his past history I would be happy to talk to her. I admit I partly texted out of curiosity regarding the story behind the demise of their relationship, but I also remembered how confusing it was when my marriage ended and I was trying to figure out the truth from the lies. I figured I could fill her in on things I had to research to find out about C.
Leslie's mom called me back right away (she was the one with the phone I texted) and asked if she could talk to me. Turns out C is a creature of habit. He took Leslie's company credit card and went shopping at the Home Depot. When confronted, he denied and denied until the evidence was in his face and then attempted to come up with justifications of why it was ok for him to do it. I also found out Leslie's mom had worked to get him odd jobs with several of her friends only to have him not do the work, or do the work, get paid with a check and suddenly there is attempted fraud on the very account listed on the check.
I talked with Leslie's mom for quite awhile and it was amazing how similar C's pattern of behaviour was. He still starts talking suicide if found out in a lie (to deflect the attention and cause the accuser to pity him), he is still able to cry on cue (even while continuing to lie), and he still just flits away in the end thinking nothing will follow him. Hopefully this time he is wrong. I gave Leslie's mom his address to make it easier for the police to find him. Because it was a company card there was a police report filed and Leslie will probably lose her job. I am sure this is just the tip of the iceberg and lots more will come out before it is all over. In the meantime C is continuing to bully his way into his mom's house and make everyone jump when he commands it.
And his mom wants me to be relieved that Alex is living there? I think not. She became quite defensive when assuring me it was best for Alex to stay with her and that she would keep Alex safe and make sure she went to bed early and had a good schedule. It's hard for a 9 year old to go to bed early when she has no bedroom and all 4 adults in the house stay up late watching tv because they are all unemployed. I reminded her she didn't have a working car to get Alex to school but she assured me she could use her mom's car. (I would like to take this time to remind you we are talking about a woman in her 50's telling me she can use her mom's car to take Alex to school every day. Ridiculous.) I finally had to stop replying because I saw that I was trying to strong arm her into doing what I wanted when the reality of the situation is that I am not in control at all, but God is. He is more than capable of clearing the way for Alex to come back if that is what he wants. And I believe that he will listen if I pray for her to come back. And he will do what's best.
In the morning I will alert the child support woman to his new address (I do what I can to help out local government employees :) and see what she thinks about Alex's living arrangements. You never know where God will work.
